Womanhood bound to motherhood: Choosing childlessness in Türkiye

Abstract

This article aims to evaluate the subjective experiences of voluntarily childless Turkish women, and based on the data collected through in-depth interviews where [a] what it means for them to be a childless woman, [b] what the motivations behind choosing a childless life are, and [c] how they negotiate their childless identity in a pronatalist society are explored. A total of 18 women were interviewed, and three meta-themes [negotiating identity and agency in a pronatalist society, the emotional landscape of childlessness, pathways and motivations for remaining childless] were generated through main themes and subthemes based on the data. All participating women reported some degree of emotional and social distress arising from the stigma they feel within their environmental contexts. Many of them tapped into the “felt outsiderness” among people following traditional gender roles ascribed by Turkish society. All of them felt comfortable with their decision to choose and remain childless despite some difficulties it might bring as a result of living in a society that equates womanhood with motherhood. They presented a variety of individual, familial, and social factors that impact their choice of pursuing a childless life. The article argues that the decision to remain childless is not merely a personal preference but a complex, multi-layered process shaped by sociocultural expectations, gender norms, and individual agency. It highlights how voluntarily childless women actively negotiate their identities within a pronatalist society, challenge traditional narratives surrounding womanhood, and construct meaningful lives that do not conform to dominant reproductive expectations.

This article aims to problematize the subjective experiences of voluntarily childless women in a pronatalist society, including their motivations behind a childless life and how they negotiate their childless identities. The existing yet limited literature from the American and Western European cases ascribed voluntary childlessness phenomenon to the demographic shift toward increasing childlessness, to a variety of social transformations like availability of contraception methods, increased educational opportunities, enactment of more ungendered and nonnormative role behaviors in marriage [20], more participation in paid employment for women [36, 39], along with key social changes as feminist movements of the 1970s [12]. Hochschild and Machung [49] argues that the overall value of a child would be less for women with a higher level of education due to the perceived emotional and financial charge they enforce. However, not only macro-social forces aforementioned, but also micro-level processes, such as freedom and autonomy, have come into sight that explain individuals’ motives [19, 39, 73]. The growing demographic of childless adults necessitated to revisit of the literature regarding the stigmatization of voluntarily childless women as well as men.

Researchers define voluntarily childless women as those who are of childbearing age and still fertile but have no intention of having children or have opted for sterilization, as well as women who are beyond childbearing age, no longer fertile, and have chosen not to have children [56]. Those women are generally perceived as deficient and outsiders since they voluntarily violate a firmly held prescription regarding motherhood and an interest in children [4]. Given that this societal norm addresses mothers [78], the question of why a person chooses not to have children is directed to women, particularly in cultures where pronatalist discourses are dominant and the construction of a feminine identity is synonymous with motherhood and mothering. European Social Survey data from 21 countries reported that in 19 out of 21, women’s decision on voluntary childlessness was significantly more disapproved than that of men [30]. The highest disapproval rates came from Eastern European countries and the lowest from Norway, Denmark, and the UK. As in Western culture, where motherhood is a profoundly embedded concept with a fixed, natural, rewarding experience for women [36, 39], Türkiye can be positioned in-between Western and Eastern cultures [51], with a strong legacy of cultural, religious, and political doctrines full of pronatalist and patriarchal ideologies that juxtaposes woman with motherhood [55]. It should be noted that this claim portrays Turkish working women who gained their economic freedom living in urban centers.

Ambivalent sexism theory [41, 42] could be regarded as a powerful mechanism to perpetuate the pronatalist ideology in Türkiye. As part of the benevolent sexism evident and socially accepted in Türkiye [72], the idealization of women suggests that they are inherently weak, therefore in need of protection, and best suited for conventional gender roles. Accordingly, childbearing would be deemed a principal gender role assigned to women. The positive image and valued status attributed to motherhood would likely serve to maintain traditional gender roles and patriarchy. Then the question is what it means to be a woman for those who bypassed this normative identity [65] and how such women might trigger unalloyed antipathy as a product of sexism. From that antipathy, discriminatory acts would sprout up that disadvantage the targets of prejudice [42]. Indeed, Bahtiyar-Saygan and Sakallı-Uğurlu [5] confirmed the predictive power of both benevolent and hostile sexism on negative biases against childless people, perceived necessity of children in a family, and not supporting individuals’ choice to be childless. They argued that those who scored higher on both sexism may think that women/men should have a child if they are healthy as they have to fulfill the gender roles.

Various stereotypes usually attributed to childless women like psychologically unfulfilled or maladjusted [4], unfeminine [56], child-haters [23], selfish and less warm [8], emotionally troubled [57], cold and materialistic [73]. Bays [73] showed that childless women elicited emotional responses like disgust and envy, and expected behaviors like active harm [via fighting, attacking, etc.] due to their perceived lack of warmth in human relationships. Sells and Ganong [89] indicated the shift in perception regarding projected expectations and preferences of gender role relationships towards more egalitarian or partner/equal and highlighted no significant relationship satisfaction difference as a function of parental status. Maintenance of cultural stereotypes was shown to operate via moral outrage directed towards the wrongdoers posing a threat to the fabric of society [4]. Yet these studies were conducted mainly with university students rather than individuals who defined themselves as voluntarily childless.

Several studies aimed to show that the main factors for a woman to remain voluntarily childless are the freedom from childcare responsibility [32], increased opportunity for self-fulfillment [86], and spontaneous mobility with extended career options [69]. Agrillo and Nelini [1] included being freed from the economic responsibilities of looking after a child, loss of control over oneself, negative impact on marital harmony, lack of maternal instinct, absence of compelling reason to have a child, and perceived or actual incapacity to be a parent as additional factors to remain childless. Kelly [56] also argued that women voiced the benefits that were outweighed by the costs of parenting, and some perceived motherhood as a loss of identity. Accounts of childless women across countries like USA [65], Italy & Spain [85], Australia [43], United Kingdom [39], Austria & Sweden [76], Denmark [75], South Africa [11], Mexico and Japan [60] were remarkably similar where freedom from economic and emotional costs, and childbearing responsibilities that having a child would bring to their lives are noted.

Normative assignments for women to desire and enjoy motherhood might endanger those who do not conform and deviate from gendered role expectations [54]. As Mollen [65] [2006] pointed out, they might experience an array of responses, including isolation, condemnation, and rejection, prompting anxiety for their future care [23], and pressure to justify their decision. Indeed, studies also show that women receive negative responses from family members, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, and even strangers in light of their choice [4, 23, 36, 43].

O’Driscoll [70] elaborated on the texts about the narratives of childless women as being all set off from a typical a priori proposition that one is expected to defend the decision not to have children either by explaining, exploring, or justifying. Indeed, women employed various strategies to manage the stigmas associated with childlessness, such as selfishness, unfeminine, high probability of regret in the future, solitude, less psychological fulfillment, unhappiness, and missing out on a very important source of joy. Passing by saying that they would have a kid at some point in the future, identity substitution by explicitly stating that they could not have a child because of infertility, condemning the contemnors by saying that having a child was a more selfish act than not, redefining the situation by challenging the claim that all women are supposed to have a child, justification by explaining the reasons behind their choices like benefits of being childless, humor to obviate the question, and lastly the denial of maternal instinct are frequently used ways to deal with external interrogations [56]. Childless women often face the claim, “You will regret it when you get older” [76]. Gillespie [39] pointed to the increasing number of women who reject and challenge pronatalist discourses bounding womanhood with motherhood and highlighted the emergence and configuration of a positive female identity that benefits all women. Distancing female identity from mothering would give childless women a space to negotiate the childless position as a voluntary act as much as having a child. Many women uprooted, scrutinized, and challenged the core assumption that the female body is naturally, biologically, and psychologically equipped with an instinct and a desire to mother a baby. On the contrary, they claim that it is asocially constructed phenomenon.

In Turkish culture, children are regarded as what makes a family a family, yet with different functions such as psychological, material, and social/traditional [Kağıtçıbaşı, 1986]. They are also seen as sources for a happy and meaningful life [5, 55]. In such a cultural climate favoring procreation, the issue of why some women in Türkiye choose to forego motherhood has received little attention. Much of the existing work on childless women has predominantly focused on the motivations, failing to explore subjective experiences and how women navigate their childless status within personal and social contexts [21]. This article contextualizes and situates voluntary childlessness in a pronatalist Turkish society and explores the motivating factors to eschew motherhood. It mainly focus on how women perceive being childless, experience their choice, and envisage the potential outcome and expectations. Drawing on the premise that self-narratives must be contextualized, it aims to explore in-depth long-ignored experiences of Turkish women opting out of motherhood and how they negotiated their childless identity within the frame of pronatalist expectations.

Methodology

The data used to explore voluntarily childless women’s experiences, concerns, and negotiation strategies was gathered during fieldwork between November 2018 and January 2019. The participants were selected by snowballing using a purposive sampling method. Women were contacted through phone, informed about the study, and offered available dates and locations for interviews; either at their homes, offices, cafes, and via video call via Skype. The recruitment of the participants was completed when no new pattern came out. No incentive was provided in return for participation in the study. In-depth interviews were carried out with 18 women aged between 30 and 60 years of age [M = 40.41, SD = 8.33]. Of 18 women, nine are married for 5.5 years on average [Min = 3.5, Max = 7 years], five are single, one divorced-single, 1 in a committed relationship for 19 years, 1 in a relationship for 5 months, and 1 for 3 years. Sixteen of the women were currently working, and all living in İstanbul and Ankara.

The semi-structured interviews were conducted to explore existing feelings and thoughts of being childless, including how they define themselves as a childless woman, experiences of and motivations for choosing childlessness, the reactions that they received from their social milieu, the strategies used to negotiate childless identity, perceptions of motherhood, and future projections as a childless woman. Interviews took place on Skype, at the workplaces of the researchers and participants, or at the participants’ houses depending on their preferences. Each interview lasted between 30 and 75 min, was audiotaped, and transcribed verbatim.

Data analysis

Braun and Clarke’s six-step framework [14] for thematic analysis was used, and each transcript was read line-by-line multiple times by the researchers for data familiarization and identification of themes and sub-themes. The themes were identified inductively from the dataset. Constant comparison of codes was carried out by the researchers throughout the data analysis process. The main themes, such as the experience of childlessness, choice of childlessness, negotiation of childless identity, perceptions of motherhood, and future projections, were selected.

Findings

The findings of this study are sectioned into three overarching meta-themes, that are negotiating identity and agency in a pronatalist society, the emotional landscape of childlessness, and pathways and motivations for remaining childless, all of which are connected to five main themes and a set of subthemes as shown in Table 1.

Table 1 Overarching meta-themes and their connection to main themes and subthemes in the experience of childlessness

Negotiating identity and agency in a pronatalist society

Self, identity, and womanhood

More than half of the participants mentioned the advantages children and motherhood might have provided them and what they might be missing by choosing a childless life. Nevertheless, these thoughts and feelings did not amount to regret for their decisions, even in rare moments when they strongly felt the urge to be a mother. Some indicated that there was nothing to miss or lose because of their childless choice. A few had no idea what might be missed or lost because of their lack of experience with motherhood. One participant claimed it was oxymoronic in her own words: “Ontologically, it is impossible to feel the lack of something that you never experience” [67, 73].

Some participants had no thoughts of missing out or experiencing loss, but they also considered its probability in the future. They occasionally found themselves worrying about potential future regrets over having no child and losing biological capability. However, they emphasized that this worry did not outweigh their current decision to remain childless. Closer inspection of these future hesitations revealed that when menstruation ceases, childlessness will become a mandatory rather than a voluntary decision for them, leading to tension. This aligns with previous research highlighting the anxiety linked to reproductive choices and time-limited biological possibilities [39, 58]. Another explanation for this “ambush regret” is that most participants were occasionally reminded by others that they would certainly regret their choice when it became “too late.” However, not every participant internalized this indoctrination, and many were able to push back against it.

Another participant reflected on what she might be missing, stating that she had the capacity and inclination to be inclusive as a wife, professional, friend, and child. She thought she might unconsciously desire to satisfy her need to care and compassion to others. She noted that a child of her own would have best satisfied this need and made her feel complete. However, she was also unsure whether or not this was indeed a “missing out” experience. She was adamant that her needs could never motivate her to have a baby. Instead, she fulfilled her need for caregiving through her relationships with her friends, her profession as a school counselor, and even her pets. This is consistent with earlier research showing that childfree women frequently establish alternative caregiving roles and seek other sources of fulfillment [12, 56].

Similarly, another participant acknowledged the uniqueness of the bond between a mother and child but saw herself as an outsider to that experience. She stated: “I would not be experiencing the mindset of a mother who loses herself and coalesces with her baby and feels complete through its existence.” This perspective highlights how the social construction of motherhood as an all-encompassing identity influences childless women’s self-perception [11]. She also noted that many parents in her social circle lived exclusively for their children, making her feel devoid of that purpose. This statement underscores how cultural expectations frame childlessness as a deviation from a normative life path [15].

Most participants perceived their childlessness as a natural part of their self and identity, believing it was a matter of choice rather than a deficiency or failure. However, many also touched upon the pronatalist discourse in their culture and its impact on how they viewed themselves. A dilemma was evident in their statements—on the one hand, they viewed childlessness as a free choice; on the other, they acknowledged the pressures of a culture that strongly associates womanhood with motherhood. This supports existing scholarship on the tension between reproductive agency and societal expectations [48, 76].

Another salient theme was the objection to conflating womanhood with motherhood. Like women from South Africa [11], participants in this study strongly criticized the problematic and socially constructed association between these two concepts. One participant stated, “I strongly reject the social and traditional imperative that every woman must be a mother.” Many expressed resistance, but at the same time, they felt vulnerable in the face of intrusive comments and social exclusion. This echoes research on the stigmatization of voluntarily child-free women [39, 73].

Three participants attributed their childless status to a deficiency and failure in fulfilling their societal and developmental role as women. Despite this, one was at peace with her decision, while another experienced an internalized sense of incompleteness. One participant expressed inadequacy, stating: “I feel that I cannot dare to achieve something that millions of women have done. It is as if I have a serious problem. I feel so inadequate for being afraid of something described by many as the most beautiful experience of human life.” This aligns with the concept of “maternal essentialism,” which suggests that motherhood is often framed as the pinnacle of female experience [39, 81].

For others, feminist theory, philosophy, and exposure to child-free narratives helped them resolve their internal conflicts. One participant rejected the cultural checklist of a woman’s life, which dictates milestones such as education, marriage, and having a baby. Instead, she created her path, resisting societal pressure. This illustrates how alternative identity narratives help women construct non-maternal self-concepts [58, 67].

Interestingly, one participant noted that being childless was not a significant part of her identity but that motherhood would have negatively impacted her sense of self. She believed motherhood would have made her feel inadequate and unable to live up to societal expectations of being a “good mother.” Others associated motherhood with selflessness, lost identity, and being “swallowed” by the role. This perception of motherhood as a loss of self is also documented in previous research [39, 44].

Thus, motherhood serves as a benchmark for defining women’s self-concept in Türkiye. Its absence or presence shapes how women position themselves personally and socially. Unlike men, women are not expected to construct their identities through their careers, friendships, or hobbies but rather through motherhood and wifehood. This underscores the deep-rooted pronatalist and gendered expectations embedded in Turkish society, aligning with global research on reproductive norms [15, 76].

Navigating the social and cultural challenges of childlessness

All women argue that they live in a society where once a woman reaches a particular age, they are expected to have children following pronatalist expectations, on the condition that they are in a marriage relationship. The South African women participants in Bimha and Chadwick’s [11] study stated this particular age as “by the time you start getting to your late 30s, down to the biological clock”. However, the women in thist study dated back to earlier times of this expectation, including marriage, in their late 20s. Within this cultural context, most of the participants complain about the absence of general acceptance towards and respect for one aspect of their lives, which is “having no child voluntarily”. Their unseen, unheard, and even denied choice is communicated through many questions, advice, and scrutinizing by their social milieu, including families and friends. Some of the participants evaluated such reactions as well-intentioned and warm-hearted attempts to encourage them to have a child by sharing their own parenting experiences. Some participants perceived them as a violation of and even an attack on their borders and freedom. Some of them did not take them seriously or personally.

One participant depicted that being a childless woman meant to be questioned and to be exposed to many queries regarding her choice of being childless, which she considered as a violation of her personal border. She uttered her outburst “It is like their agenda, rather than mine, of being a childless woman.” Her choice was also regarded as negligence, shortsightedness, and impropriety to be addressed and hopefully corrected rather than a personal one. Gendered role expectations are constantly reminded of these women for the sake of social order [4, 23, 36, 43]. Another participant conveyed her feeling of being stuck between fears and doubts regarding her prospective motherhood and the expectations of her husband and family towards giving birth shortly. She voiced her sadness due to the disappointment she might cause in her husband, family, and family-in-law. She added that she thinks she is incapable of doing something she is supposed to do. Here, one could witness her being caught in the middle, even torn between her refusal of motherhood and her family’s craving for a baby. Not fulfilling this anticipation triggered a deep self-observation and ended up with increased guilt and self-inadequacy.

The reactions mostly came from a family of origin, yet most of the participants said that even a stranger could dare to question their decision. The responses of others revolved around frequently asking when to have a baby, questioning the whys of not having a baby, sincerely wishing them to have a baby, trying to convince them to have a baby, ignoring their explicitly stated decision by saying that “one day, you will want for sure”, and not believing them in their choices. Exceptionally, one of them said that no one in her life has dared to ask a question or make a comment on her rejection of motherhood. Very few participants perceived themselves as lucky that their decisions for a childless life have been acknowledged and respected by significant others. They had no reactions at all except full validation and acceptance. Nearly all women in the study seemed to get their share of people around them who judged, ignored, held under a microscope, underestimated, interrogated, admonished regarding their very personal choices.

The primary sources of reactions differed among participants. However, among them, the biological mothers of a few participants were verbalized as the most disappointing, hurting, and astonishing sources of exclusion agents. They not only warned them systematically about the possible adverse outcomes of their decision, such as no one would hug them like they did as their daughter, but also intimidated them with the loss of their husband via divorce and emphasized that no one would call them “mother.” Such reactions reflect a well-documented social tendency for family members to exert pressure on childless women, particularly mothers [11, 59]. The women described those moments with their mothers as breaking points in their childless decisions. “Your husband will get divorced from you if you do not give him a child” was expressed as a very dramatic and devastating comment for a woman, which fundamentally changed her relationship with her mother. This type of emotional manipulation and the assertion of gendered expectations echo findings on the high emotional toll of non-conformity to motherhood norms [46].

Another woman who married for seven years talked about the reactions of her mother-in-law, sister-in-law, and a close friend. She depicted her experience as being stuck, offended, fed up, threatened, and horrified due to extreme intrusiveness. “What if you try soon and not accomplish. The daughter of my neighbor rejected motherhood for a long time as you did, and then she wanted to have it but never could…” These narratives highlight how external judgments about motherhood are often laden with pronatalist assumptions [37]. As noted in pronatalist societies, childlessness is perceived as a deviation from normative expectations of womanhood and marriage [11]. Such discourses position women as failing in societal roles, emphasizing the interconnectedness between womanhood and motherhood in shaping social identity [25].

The reactions, coming from people in and/or out of the women’s closed networks, exemplify the publicness of motherhood; that is, a woman’s choice on childlessness is not regarded as a personal choice but as a tentative choice, mistake, or wrong way [37]. This supports the assertion that childlessness often triggers responses that view it as an individual failure rather than a legitimate personal decision [47]. The women in the study were perceived as disregarding and violating societal rules or responsibilities for the welfare of others, a concept grounded in social norm theory and the role of conformity in regulating gendered behavior [10].

Most women spoke at length about the broader social context where they encountered reactions about their childlessness. All indicated that procreation is highly valued, expected, and even normed for all people once they get married, consistent with research on the pervasive influence of pronatalism in shaping expectations around marriage and family life [33]. They elaborated on how they dealt with social stigma and constant interference in their private life in their community and immediate family. This external social scrutiny reflects the entrenched stigmatization of childless individuals within many societies, particularly for women, and aligns with the concept of “femininity stigma” [17].

Several strategies emerged to negotiate their childless position in a pronatalist society. “Playing along” and “passing off” are two dominant passive strategies employed by almost half of the participants. These strategies aim to manage the narrative surrounding childlessness by making temporary concessions or offering socially acceptable explanations, a coping mechanism widely observed among individuals navigating societal expectations [53]. This passive accommodation strategy can prolong exposure to pronatalist discourses for women who do not wish to have children, reinforcing the societal pressure to conform to the idealized mother-woman figure [11].

Other strategies, such as “adopting a pro-childless stance” and “arguing back,” reflect a more active resistance to societal pressure. These strategies allow women to assert their childlessness as a valid and rational choice, challenging the pronatalist expectations they face. Active resistance to societal pressures, primarily through self-defense and logical explanations, has been linked to empowerment in feminist discourse, where rejecting societal norms is positioned as a form of personal agency [22].

Regardless of the strategies employed, nearly all women felt no control and privacy over their personal issues. They were constantly struggling with their environments, an ongoing reciprocal preoccupation consistent with the “double burden” experienced by those who challenge societal expectations [6].

A few participants perceived being categorized as “out of norm” in a pronatalist society as a “loss” for themselves. This mirrors the social consequences of deviating from motherhood norms in a society where motherhood holds significant social capital [47]. In Turkish culture, mothers are attributed several epithets like sacred, self-sacrificing, enduring, dedicated, nurturing, and bending over backward, which are celebrated through political discourse and media representations [22]. This societal construction of the “ideal mother” figure places significant pressure on women who opt for a childless life, as their decisions are often framed as personal failures or deficiencies [25].

Ultimately, while the participants acknowledged the social disadvantages and losses they experience in a culture that valorizes motherhood, most did not allow these losses to undermine their identity or decision. Some participants, particularly those identifying with feminist values, expressed their choice to remain childless as a rejection of the prescribed gendered identity, highlighting a profound resistance to traditional gender roles [66]. This resistance aligns with feminist theory, which emphasizes the importance of self-determination and the subversion of normative gender expectations [59].

The emotional landscape of childlessness

Emotional reactions to childlessness

Most of the participants associated the experience of being childless with gladness and certitude of making the right decision. They generally felt happy, satisfied, free, and at peace with being a childless woman. It is likely to be deduced that they did not perceive their childlessness as something to be elaborated differentially from other parts of their identities, such as interests, values, physical appearance, personality characteristics, and career choices. In other words, they did not internalize the norms of a pronatalist society [39].

Few participants seemed not to ground their feelings and thoughts about their childless experience on a consistent and steady mindset. They reported a mixture of feelings of exclusion, alienation, and pressure while they were spending time with their family members and friends with children. Social interactions with them occasionally triggered the perception of “a stranger within,” “lonely in the crowd,” or an “outsider inside” [58]. Their embodied experience would be depicted as a “felt outsiderness” stemming from not following the so-called regular cycle of life in which a real woman gets married and gives birth to a child in due course. The tacit and perceived message the participants received from their acquaintances could be considered a fidget of untapped internalized pronatalism [33].

Two participants addressed the issue of the biological clock and what it means for them in particular. Induced pressure was evident in a 30-year-old participant who noted that she had “five years left to have a baby.” Thirty-five years of age signifies a critical point in women’s reproductive capacity, and gynecologists in Türkiye call attention to their patients who are about to be 35 that they need to hurry if they would like to have a low-risk, healthy pregnancy, whether or not patients ask for it. One of the participants expressed her feeling of being under pressure by acknowledging this prevalent recommendation: “Given all these doubts in my mind, I would likely want to have a child at one point in my life. However, on the other side, it is not a desire for a baby but a wish for compensation of my need to be accepted in a small social entity: a nuclear family. Every time I realize my hidden motivation, I convince myself that it is the right choice for me to stay childless.” In a similar vein, several participants aged around and more than 30 have experienced a short period of rumination and panic while they were getting closer to 35. Still, all of them came to terms with themselves and consolidated their choices eventually. For some participants, this “35 as a deadline” seems to represent both a biological and psychological threshold to rethink and re-evaluate the choice of childlessness and re-negotiate it. In Türkiye, characterized by a more collectivist orientation rather than individualistic, the socially and medically driven “35 syndrome” for fertile women would be embedded in a culture where the woman’s body is somewhat deemed public property, and everyone has a word to say to promote pregnancy [52].

One participant elaborated on the famous tick-tock of a biological clock, which calls for a desire to have a baby. On the one hand, she validated the subjective experience of women and their shared declaration of the tick-tock, yet on the other hand, she did not have such a moment so far. She kept talking about how she has frequently been told that the time for it will come soon. “Maybe it will someday, but not yet,” was her statement. This mysterious tick-tock resembles, in some respects, a developmental benchmark like the onset of puberty, menopause, or wrinkles on the skin as one grows older [89]. In other words, the tick-tock is considered a universal and biological process every woman goes through. However, nearly all the participants reported its absence. Moreover, many seemed confused, questioned their non-experience for a while, and even thought about the probability of a biological deficit in their bodies. In fact, to date, there is no scientific and universal consensus on its being an instinctual precursor of a desire for a baby [79]. It would be no more than projecting one’s subjective feelings onto other women—the wish to share a common experience so that she and other women construct a general sense of womanhood on safe and predictable grounds.

A feeling of no regret is a shared and prominent sentiment among participants owing to being childless. They were pretty sure about their choice and content with it since they decided by themselves, and some of them made shared decisions with their husbands. The data of DeLyser [23] suggested a similar finding for most participants, and even reaching midlife did not awaken any regret over their decision. However, among women, one’s emotional experience cannot be explained solely by “no regret” but also by “I wish I had a child.” One participant was not in a state of defending her childless position as “I do not regret at all.” She commented, “I wish I could experience motherhood. I am still curious about what my baby would be like, whom s/he would look like.” Although she defined herself as intentionally childless, she further explained that circumstances prevented her from having a child—in other words, “the odds were stacked against her” [64].

We hereby argue that most participants negotiated their childless identities with feelings of content, comfort, and freedom. Some of them went through tough times questioning and being questioned about motherhood. Only one of them felt regretful and wished she would have a child. Gendered expectations surrounding these women exerted some trouble to the extent that their feelings and thoughts on unchosen motherhood were unsettled for a while. However, nearly all of them regulated their emotions and thoughts accordingly and in line with their personal values, aspirations, and needs.

Future expectations, plans, and feelings

A childless future has not awakened worry, loneliness, and fear in any participants. Nevertheless, three of the women reflected on the possibility of regret in the future if they were too late to become mothers in case of an emerging desire. This aligns with previous findings suggesting that childlessness may bring episodic reflections rather than chronic distress [73]. One woman perceived her future as risky and challenging but said she is trying to focus on the positive aspects. For her, these include having a free mind without expectations from others, more resources available for herself, and no worries about a child. This perspective resonates with research on voluntary childlessness, highlighting autonomy and personal fulfillment as primary motivations [64].

Another woman remarked that she would be freer than mothers in her old age. She observed that people in their late fifties or sixties often experience conflicts with their grown-up children, such as inheritance disputes, feelings of neglect, or involuntary caregiving responsibilities for grandchildren. One participant articulated her sense of advantage over mothers, stating: “I will not spend my days waiting in tears and gazing upon the door for my children to come. At least, I have no expectations. Otherwise, I would be devastated if my children left me alone when I got old.” This sentiment reflects a form of emotional self-protection, which scholars have identified as a coping mechanism for those resisting traditional family expectations [58]. She further provided an example of her mother, who longed for her children’s visits, indicating how intergenerational experiences influence personal choices regarding parenthood [7].

Most participants viewed nursing homes positively as a strategy for securing social and physical support in old age. This contrasts with research showing that cultural norms in collectivist societies often frame nursing homes as a last resort rather than a preferred option [28]. Two women planned to strengthen their relationships with nieces and nephews, reinforcing research on kin-keeping strategies among childless adults [77]. Some participants also considered fostering or adopting children in the future, a decision supported by findings that adoption can serve as an alternative means of caregiving and legacy-building for childless individuals [23]. A few had strong confidence in their siblings to provide care and companionship in later years, echoing studies on the role of extended family in aging support systems [87]. One woman stated that she takes meticulous care of her health to avoid significant illnesses, aligning with research that suggests health-conscious behaviors among voluntarily childless individuals [90]. Another woman proposed creating a social community organization to enhance social cohesion and support for the elderly, reflecting the increasing trend of collective aging strategies [61].

One woman conveyed her anxiety about being childless in old age, emphasizing that neither adoption nor foster care would compensate for the absence of biological children. She mentioned that her husband questioned the idea of adoption, asking, “Why adopt someone’s child instead of having your own?” This statement reflects the lingering influence of pronatalist attitudes, prioritizing biological parenthood over alternative family formations [39]. She also expressed fear of loneliness if her husband passed away first, adding that loneliness ranked among her greatest fears. However, she acknowledged that having a child solely to prevent loneliness would be unfair to the child, an ethical concern discussed in the literature on reproductive decision-making [89].

Another participant projected her old age and recognized the potential need for an immediate family member, such as a child, particularly for practical support like hospital visits. However, she also stated that relying on children in this way could be risky, saying, “It would be more devastating if my child refused to take me to the hospital.” This statement aligns with studies highlighting intergenerational support’s unpredictability [27]. She ultimately resolved to plan for her old age independently, recognizing that “conditions have changed, traditional family structures are weakening, and I must take responsibility for my future as a rational person.” This reflects the increasing recognition of self-reliance among aging populations, particularly in societies experiencing shifts in family dynamics [84].

As evident in the above narratives, all the participants anticipated their later years and made various plans to address the perceived void of childlessness in old age. Their projections into the future demonstrate personal agency, resourcefulness, and hope. While gendered expectations surrounding motherhood continue to shape emotional responses, these women illustrate diverse pathways in navigating childless aging. Their perspectives contribute to a broader understanding of how voluntarily childless individuals construct meaning and security in later life [74].

Pathways and motivations for remaining childless

Pathways to childlessness

The stories of choice to remain childless generally differed among participants. Some of them did not want to name it as a choice but rather a naturally occurring process. Two women preferred to call it a tentative choice rather than a fixed one. Another discussed it as a slowly maturing process, an inevitable consequence of her life style and her career. Some depicted it as an arrival point due to the absence of feasible conditions. Another woman wanted not to call it neither a decision nor not a decision, but rather a complicated unnamed situation. One of them addressed her situation as “unable to make a decision yet” and attributed her current distress to not catching up either this or that way. She believed that if she were to decide on this issue, she would relax and rest easy.

It was highly evident in most of the participants that the primary motivation behind childless choice was the lack of will and/or urge to be a mother. By the way, some strongly rejected the “so-called” existence of an instinct-based desire for motherhood in every single woman. They claimed it to be wholly a socially constructed phenomenon that is consolidated through several motherhood discourses within the culture rather than a biological imperative. Yet, some were still curious whether such an instinct or biological alarm/countdown exists. Here, we can again see the construction of motherhood for some participants by referencing what mothers tell others. They were probably exposed to several narratives of mothers experiencing an embodied desire to have a baby and their effort to generalize this unique sense of “womaness”. Another group among them refused the alleged call for a baby and attributed it to social roots. The seeming polarization does not open an inclusive space where both can be earthly or not mutually exclusive but just a personal issue.

Most participants reported no change over time in their decision to remain childless. Two of them seemed rare fluctuations in their choices, but they always ended up with the original decision. One woman, as the only woman among participants who longs intensely for a baby, looked for the future with hope regarding the probability of having a baby if she met a suitable partner. Therefore, she did not prefer to call herself a woman who decided not to be a mother but was forced due to life circumstances. One of them attributed it as not a matter of choice but a naturally occurring thing by saying that she never felt like she was choosing something. Apart from others, one woman elaborated on her double-edged feelings oscillating between a strong desire to have a child and satisfaction due to not having a child. In her own words: “I have times in which I strongly desire to mother a child, and other times in which I thank God that I do not have a child. My feelings are left up in the air, and I am waiting for a moment when I consistently desire to have a baby”.

Freedom and independence were the most prominent concepts in explaining their experience of remaining childless. Nearly all women expressed a sense of feeling free, yet freedom had differential connotations for each participant. For some, freedom meant being flexible in work hours and not having to sustain full-time jobs, which would be impossible if they were a mother, necessitating a regular income. For an academician teaching out of town, freedom was described as traveling unencumbered. Some of them asserted that being childless provides them comfort and extended opportunities, as well as more flexibility in future and current investments compared to a life with a child. One of them defined her freedom as ‘… a comfort area in which no inadequacy and frustration is felt’; for another participant, it is ‘… like living freely one’s child and adolescent spirit, not being entitled as a full adult’. Freedom is instead interpreted as a desire to sustain the initiative and control over their time, education, expenditures, recreational activity, and leisure, which is best understood in comparison with their perceptions of parenting responsibility. Nearly all of the participants shared a very similar idea that being a childless woman protects them from taking life-long and huge responsibilities that a child would naturally bring into a woman’s life. Therefore, freedom is also associated with a lack of responsibility. Some perceptions of mothering responsibilities were as follows: a ‘full-time demanding job’, ‘a life-long self-sacrifice,’ and ‘burdensome.’ These expressions demonstrated the extent of time, energy, and cost that they associated to be a mother. Accordingly, these responsibilities were also perceived as a threat to their current equilibrium in life since several participants associated mothering duties with significant loss of their personal space and agency. Choosing a baby-free life was to exempt from additive emotional and instrumental parenting responsibilities [60, 65, 76].

The childless experience was attributed as a buffer against serious mental health problems for one participant who claimed that if she were a mother, she would go crazy. Yet, she believed that she tends controlling, anxious, and tense temperament. In her words, “If I had a child, I would probably be on the edge of a nervous breakdown, even a neurotic person, or maybe a paranoid. I believe that I am protecting my mental health by not having a child”, one can easily sense the likelihood of ensuing horror if she were about to mother a child. She seems to ascribe motherhood to a considerable amount of stress and challenge, which she thinks she could not handle psychologically. Likewise, another participant described her childless experience as a comfort zone in which she does not have to feel frustrated, inadequate, and anxious, which motherhood eventually brings. These two cases might mirror the responsibility-laden meaning attached to motherhood. This view aligns with the findings of Hochschild and Machung [49], who explore how motherhood, particularly in Western societies, is not only a biological but also a socially constructed responsibility. They argue that the “second shift” — the additional domestic and caregiving labor that women are expected to take on, even after working outside the home — can severely limit women’s autonomy and control over their personal time and space. In this context, the women in the study perceived freedom from these responsibilities as a key benefit of remaining childless, emphasizing their desire to retain agency over their careers, leisure activities, and personal lives.

Another notable theme in motivations was the psychological and physical demands of parenting, which most women associated with lifelong responsibility, serious preoccupation, and perpetual self-sacrifice. Apart from disliking the experiences related to mothering duties, they perceived themselves as unsuitable candidates for motherhood due to their fondness for self-interest and independence. Two participants were somewhat proud of this brave introspection, which they felt most parents lack, often having children without adequately assessing their suitability for the role beforehand. One participant verbalized, “I strongly believe both mentally and emotionally that not every person should have a child. Ask who shouldn’t. I say me. I should not even if I wish, because I have not been suitable ever since I could remember. I am not that woman.” This perspective resonates with the research by Reining [80], which argues that self-awareness and introspection regarding the capacity for motherhood are often overlooked, resulting in societal pressure to conform to a traditional maternal role without an authentic evaluation of personal readiness.

Moreover, many of the participants evaluated the match between their true selves and the idealized mother figure, concluding that there was a mismatch between the two. The abovementionned statements expressed by the participants reflect socially endorsed qualifications of an ideal mother. As described by Dow [26], social constructs and cultural expectations often establish an idealized template of motherhood that is difficult to achieve, causing some women to feel ill-suited to meet these standards. Alternatively, it could also reflect their observations of mothers’ behaviors. Regardless of which interpretation is more accurate, the mothering role is perceived as a demanding and challenging one by most of the participants, aligning with the findings of Arendell [3], who describes how the cultural ideal of motherhood often places immense pressure on women, framing it as a role of perpetual self-sacrifice.

Most participants represented or perceived motherhood as a “sacrifice, duty, burden, selflessness, selfishness, exaggerated/inflated experience, unproductive life, a state of mind, life-long worry, full of routines,” thereby justifying their rejection. Some participants associated motherhood with an unconditional and non-reciprocated love relationship. One woman identified motherhood with compassion, affection, and inclusion, but at the same time expressed her hesitation about the purity of such feelings in her own words: “The society expects women to show her baby unconditional love, care, and compassion, but no one considers whether or not that woman was psychologically held by her mother once upon a time.” This reflection aligns with the statements of Cantillon & Hutton [18], who argue that motherhood is often framed as a self-sacrificial endeavor yet rarely addresses the emotional and psychological labor required for women to perform these caregiving roles. The participants’ reflections seem to pertain to the physical and emotional labor aspect of motherhood, which is commonly discussed in caregiving literature as “caring labor” [31]. Most participants acknowledged that motherhood entailed immense responsibility and self-devotion, thus reinforcing the negative perceptions surrounding it. Similarly, the women in Gillespie’s [39] study viewed motherhood not as a natural and fulfilling activity but as a burden, a loss of free time, and an energy drain. Some attributions were built on their observations of mothers around them, the culturally idealized portrayals of motherhood, or their self-constructed hypotheses.

The meaning attached to mothering was another source of motivation for some participants. One expressed her reluctance rooted in her prolonged self-discovery process about who she was, what she liked, and what she wanted in her life. She said that she did not want to inhibit this self-knowledge process with a baby and instead wanted to focus on her own needs, wishes, and aspirations. She likened giving birth to a child to making a self-decision to come into the world. Another participant compared motherhood to a huge, one-way decision, stating, “I cannot quit the role of being a child’s mother. Hence it is like being born, irreversible it is, giving birth is similar, a huge decision…” This sentiment resonates with Hochschild and Machung’s [49] concept of the “second shift,” where women are often expected to manage both a career and the demands of motherhood, leading to an irreversible transformation in their identities. One woman spoke of her fear of motherhood, which was central to her decision not to pursue it. She feared becoming a central figure in a child’s psychological world and expressed her concern about being absorbed by the motherhood identity, as she observed in her friends. She said that she was witnessing the significant transformation of her close friends with astonishment, to whom she would never have given such a chance before pregnancy if asked. These two women’s narratives highlight the perceived extent of preoccupation with a child, its pervasiveness throughout a mother’s life, and the fear of losing their sense of self within this role. The societal portrayal of motherhood as a central and all-encompassing identity could explain their concerns, as it often positions women solely in a caregiving role, as Hays [45] noted in her theory of intensive motherhood. The participants’ quotations indicate how culturally constructed motherhood ideals may shape women’s decisions and fears regarding parenthood.

One woman perceived pregnancy as a process of temporal disability, drawing on societal examples such as mass transportation warnings asking people to give seats to pregnant women, the sympathy they receive, and the physical limitations during the final trimester. This perception aligns with Gannon and Davies’s [34] concept of pregnancy as a socially constructed condition that influences women’s physical and social spaces. Two participants, however, expressed more positive perceptions of pregnancy, with one viewing it as an opportunity to experience bodily transformation and another contemplating giving a child to someone else. This curiosity and positive view of pregnancy may relate to the concept of embodied motherhood discussed by Barbara K. Rothman [83], where women view the physical experience of carrying life as transformative and awe-inspiring.

Conversely, one participant criticized the medicalization of pregnancy, citing concerns over excessive medical interventions and tests and worrying that these practices could disturb the baby. This skepticism toward medicalized pregnancy aligns with the critiques of medicalized motherhood described by Apple [2], where the natural process of pregnancy and childbirth is often subjected to unnecessary interventions, which can alienate women from their own bodily experiences.

Almost all participants expressed that pregnancy can be a thrilling and miraculous experience, yet the perceptions of motherhood were often tinged with negative or ambivalent emotions. A few participants argued that motherhood should not be idealized as a sacred or divine role, especially in light of the prevalence of harmful or neglectful mothers. This critique parallels the feminist perspectives on idealized motherhood, where the cultural narrative of motherhood as a sacred role is often challenged. According to Ehrenreich and English [29], this idealization of motherhood can undermine the real challenges and sacrifices that mothers experience, making it harder for women to question or reject the role.

One participant pointed out the paradox of motherhood being seen as a prestigious title for women in Turkish society while womanhood holds less value. This sentiment resonates with the gendered construction of motherhood as a social identity, where motherhood is often elevated as a central aspect of a woman’s worth while other aspects of her identity are marginalized [45]. In this context, the societal pressure to fulfill the role of a “good mother” is reinforced through cultural norms that dictate expectations for mothers. Another participant reflected on how pregnancy exemplifies these societal expectations, noting the obligation for mothers to adhere to prescribed behaviors such as regular doctor visits and the performance of idealized maternal duties. This speaks to the pervasive influence of normative motherhood and how cultural scripts about motherhood shape women’s behaviors and self-perceptions [3].

One participant discussed the transformation of a woman through motherhood, describing how it leads to changes in feelings, behaviors, social roles, and an increase in empathy. While this transformation is often framed positively, it reflects the gendered expectations of emotional labor in mothering, where women are expected to become more caring and emotionally available [49]. However, for most of the participants, the perceptions of motherhood and pregnancy were not entirely positive and were often tinged with frustration or resistance to societal expectations. These attitudes reflect the broader feminist critique of the social construction of motherhood in which the idealized image of motherhood is often used to pressure women, and the choice to remain childless or question motherhood can become an act of resistance [81].

Career and professional goals were another source of motivation to remain childless. For instance, some women in this study identified their professional ambitions as a key reason for not having children. This is consistent with Bimha and Chadwick’s [11] study, where the pursuit of a career was a crucial factor in childlessness decisions. One participant in the current study explained that being childless suits her career goals, as she would not have achieved her current position as a general manager of a private K-12 school if she had been married with children. Another participant expressed concern about the potential halting of her academic career if she became a mother, echoing a common perception that motherhood can be incompatible with professional advancement [39]. Similarly, some participants expressed concerns about the potential deterioration of intimacy in their relationships once children are introduced, aligning with Gillespie’s [39] finding that many women remain childless to preserve intimacy with their partners.

These perspectives contrast with the stereotypical view of childless women as “career-driven” or “ambitious” [38, 68]. Contrary to the notion of the “career woman,” not all women in this study linked their childlessness with career aspirations. This supports Dever and Saugeres’ [24] finding that only a tiny percentage of childless women in their Australian study identified as “career women,” challenging the cultural stereotype.

The dilemma between pursuing a career and having children reflects a broader societal issue, particularly in Türkiye, where mothers are predominantly responsible for caregiving. The government’s policy of offering paid leave for mothers [16 weeks] but not for fathers [only one week] underscores the gendered expectations placed on women to balance both family and work [16]. This unequal distribution of caregiving responsibilities may force women to make difficult decisions about their professional lives and motherhood, often leading them to forgo one in favor of the other.

Furthermore, problematic childhood experiences also emerge as a powerful source of motivation for childlessness. One woman expressed her reluctance to become a mother due to her own adverse childhood experiences and unmet needs, fearing that she would unintentionally repeat the same patterns with her children. This fear of replicating an unhealthy parenting model aligns with the narrative review of Bowe et al. [13], who highlighted how individuals with unresolved childhood issues often project their unresolved conflicts onto their children, thus perpetuating generational trauma. Another participant expressed similar concerns, citing her mother’s self-sacrificing behavior as a model she did not wish to replicate, yet feeling unable to imagine a different way of mothering due to the lack of alternative role models. This is consistent with the idea of intergenerational transmission of parenting styles [9], where individuals often replicate patterns of behavior modeled by their parents, even if they are problematic.

These insights underline the complexities involved in decisions about motherhood, especially when historical family dynamics and societal expectations of gender roles intersect with individual aspirations and experiences. For many of these women, the decision to remain childless is not just about personal preference but also a response to the weight of societal expectations and the impossibility of simultaneously reconciling the roles of mother, career woman, and partner.

For one participant, the decision to remain childless was influenced by the traumatic experiences of her sisters’ marriages, which she not only witnessed but actively supported through. She expressed deep gratitude for not being married or having children, as she associated these life choices with inevitable pain and disappointment. This aligns with the concept of vicarious trauma [63], where witnessing the suffering of others, particularly loved ones, can shape an individual’s future decisions. Her reluctance to pursue marriage and motherhood can be seen as a protective mechanism against further emotional distress, with her past experiences with her sisters framing her view of relationships as inherently flawed. Yet, despite her clear stance, there was a flicker of hope in her statement that under the right circumstances—such as a trustworthy and dependable partner—she might reconsider her stance on motherhood. This highlights the impact of perceived relational stability on women’s decisions to become mothers, further illustrating the relational dynamics and trust that often underpin such decisions [88].

Another participant’s perspective offers a different, yet equally significant, view of childlessness. She articulated the need for monogamy and a stable marriage as prerequisites for motherhood in Turkish society but openly rejected these norms. Her stance was rooted in a desire for sexual freedom and independence, reflecting a rejection of traditional gendered expectations regarding women’s roles in marriage and motherhood. This sentiment touches on the normative gender roles [35] that shape the expectations placed on women, particularly in cultures where monogamy is strongly associated with respectability and motherhood. Her refusal to adhere to monogamous relationships and her statement that she would not have a child even if she were married suggests a more profound critique of the societal norms that confine women to specific roles, including motherhood. She rejected the notion of motherhood being culturally tied to a monogamous marriage, instead challenging the social structure that mandates women’s sexual and romantic behaviors. The participant’s statement clearly criticizes the gendered double standard prevalent in many patriarchal societies, including Türkiye [71, 82].

These observations point to a crucial contradiction in Turkish society—while parenthood for women is culturally tied to the regulation of their sexual and romantic behaviors, men are not held to the same standards. This reflects how motherhood is embedded within a cultural framework that enforces strict gender roles, often placing women in positions where traditional expectations of femininity and motherhood constrain their personal desires, freedoms, and autonomy.

To conclude, women introduced various individual, relational, cultural, and socio-political factors behind their choice of childlessness. Shared theme(s) in those factors and for most of the women in the study were an aversion to motherhood responsibilities, the lifestyle changes that eventually bring unwillingness to take on the role of mother and rejection of the maternal role defined by society.

Conclusion

This analysis of women’s motivations and experiences surrounding childlessness in Turkish society sheds light on the complex and multifaceted nature of their choices. It challenges the stereotypical narrative of women’s motherhood as a biological and social imperative, showing that childlessness is not purely an individual decision but shaped by a wide range of cultural, political, and social factors.

The findings reveal that these women’s decisions are not made in isolation but are influenced by cultural pressures, gender norms, and socio-political contexts. Their reasons for choosing childlessness include both personal factors, such as disinterest in caregiving or past negative experiences in their family of origin, and societal concerns, such as political instability and the demands of motherhood in a patriarchal society. This aligns with the social constructivist perspective on identity formation, which posits that gender roles and expectations are socially constructed and can be resisted or reinterpreted by individuals within their sociocultural environments [17].

While most of the women expressed contentment with their decision and did not regret it, some still felt that their choice was at odds with traditional gender norms, which view motherhood as central to femininity. These women often experienced the stigma associated with being childless and had to navigate societal judgments and expectations. This is consistent with stigma theory [40], which suggests that individuals who deviate from normative expectations [in this case, choosing not to become mothers] are often stigmatized and must find ways to manage or conceal their so-called deviant identities. These women employed passive strategies, such as avoiding confrontation or hiding their choice, to cope with the social stigma attached to childlessness.

This article also highlights the intersectionality of women’s experiences, emphasizing how their social identities—such as their education, professional status, and economic independence—play a crucial role in their ability to make this choice. Educated and financially independent women who can challenge traditional gender norms are more likely to opt for a childless life compared to those who may be economically dependent on a partner and lack access to education or professional opportunities. This aligns with feminist theories that argue that women’s ability to exercise reproductive choice is often contingent on their social and economic status [50, 81]. Thus, well-educated and economically independent women can be considered as privileged to challenge the traditional notion of womanhood tied to motherhood.

Furthermore, the analysis addresses the pressing need to challenge the widely accepted discourse that “womanhood is bound to motherhood.” Many participants rejected the notion that all women are destined to become mothers, advocating instead for the recognition of alternative feminine identities. This aligns with feminist critiques of pronatalist discourses that suggest society often imposes motherhood as an essential aspect of womanhood, diminishing the value and validity of non-motherhood [62]. These women’s stories emphasize the importance of creating space for diverse expressions of femininity and the need to challenge the cultural and political assumptions prioritizing motherhood as the ultimate expression of womanhood.

To conclude critical examination of implicit and explicit pressures placed on women to conform to traditional motherhood roles is off crucial importance, particularly in societies where patriarchal norms continue to dominate like in the context of Turkish society, where patriarchal norms and pronatalist ideologies are deeply entrenched.